Mood swings is not an unusual phenomenon for most of us. But for how long do they last? A day or maybe three. But what I was facing was more severe than just mood swings.
One week I would have these elated feelings about everything. Sleep was out of question. I was energized as if there was some external supply of energy that I was receiving. My mind had become a race track for thoughts. They just didn’t stop. Some random thoughts attacked my mind over which I had no control.
I couldn’t pay attention to anything. One moment I would be doing something and the other I would find myself doing something extremely different and unrelated to the previous action. I used to get myself involved in numerous risky behaviors. My car speed would have no limit whatsoever. I would go shopping and spend four times that I would usually do. All my emotions were heightened. Even the smallest of a stimulus would excite me.
This would continue for a week and the following week or two would be another episode altogether. All the guilt would sink in. All those elated feelings would turn into intense sadness and despair. I wouldn’t want to do anything, feel worthless about myself. Flow of thoughts remained the same but the thoughts now were of death and suicide. I felt lonely and would cry often.
My daily chores would get affected by this. I had to leave my job because of such weird emotions and uncontrollable behavior – which made it worse. I used to yell at people and all my relationships had gone for a toss – I had become irritable.
I then decided to take professional help. I met a psychologist and now I feel much better. Their suggestions have reduced my risk-taking behaviors and negative thoughts. My overthinking has also reduced. Meditation relaxes me down and I have started feeling normal. The storm that had taken over my mind was now settling down and things were falling in place.
WE ALL HAVE FLAWS. There is an opportunity for everyone to improve. The first step towards this improvement is accepting that you have a problem and a scope of improvement.